Today I've been up since 3:40 AM. Thought it would be nice to go back to sleep and catch a little zzz again. But then again sleep is overrated and who needs that anyways (not). I just had to get this blog to fruition. Just like I had to wake up so early this morning to jot down all the ideas and inspiration that were flooding my very existence.
Let me back track a bit. For the past two or three weeks, I've been trying to write and August Energy report. After all, I've been on a roll with these energy reports. Why not carry on a good thing? After all, after three months of consistency, I managed to begin being picked up and shared by people and sources I have come to trust over the years. It was quite the compliment and I was absolutely over the moon about it.
Well, every time I sat down to write something, there was nothing to write. Nope. Nothing. Zilch. It was as if the words and intuition I had in me had been eclipsed by some invisible hand. It was clear that the time had come to bid farewell to my energy reports. What?! So quickly? I've only managed three of them. And I finally was finding my groove!
That's not the way the universe works. The way it works is you sit down long enough to warm your seat, get the slightest feel of comfort and whoosh the seat beneath you is gone and you must be on a search for a new seat again.
If you've followed my blog for the past year, you've seen me stop and go and stop and go and stop and go. Seemingly I was on an endless circle of indecision of self doubt. At times I've had to unplug myself from social media and the likes to recenter and find myself again. At times I just went silent. And every time I never forgot to beat up on myself for my inconsistency and lack of direction. After all the answer was simple. I had set out to be a healer and a teacher and what, I don't even know what the heck I'm teaching or healing? How dumb is that? And why can't I get all my ideas to paper (or screen for this matter). It's not that difficult to head to the computer to hammer out a blog post or turn on my camera for a Facebook live and blabber away like there's no tomorrow. It's so simple yet I'm failing at what I envisioned I would be doing. What the hell is wrong with me?
I was simply being human.
And I recommend we all try to be human once in a while. It really suits us.
You see. We are so driven for a result sometimes that in chasing the result and goals we think we should be chasing after, we lose sight of the real results and goals we are after.
We forgot that "I don't know" is just a valid answer as "I know exactly". Because "I don't know" opens up an infinite number of possibilities. And "I know exactly" brings up one and only one. Neither is better than the other. It's a fine balance of one and the other that makes our world go round. Some moment we know. Others we don't. And when we know it will lead us to the next unknown which leads us to the next known which leads us to the next unknown. It's like stepping stones in a patch of grass. The unknown is the patch of grass and the vastness it covers. The known are the stones that create a path. You must cross the unknown to create a path of known.
It's ok to sink into the void of the unknown with the trust that you'll come out the other end knowing. We don't cross a path of stepping stones with the fear that we would fall into the grass. And if a stone's missing somewhere, heck, why not take a detour on the grass and before we know it, the next stone will be there.
The most amazing thing about this is. We are all laying our own unique path of stepping stone and grass. There is no right way. There is no wrong way. Your way is your way. My way is my way. Each is unique in and of it's own.
Some moments we are stepping. Some moments we are taking a breather, sitting quietly on the grassy area besides the steps we've been laying, taking in the gentle breeze and the scenery that surrounds us in a moment of thinking/not thinking about the next step we will lay.
This, in essence, is the stepping stone path story of life. There is no right path. There is no wrong path. And the path never has to look the same as anyone else's. Nor does to need to be a constant repetition of what it was before.
So just as I was getting comfortable thinking I was becoming this oracle like figure with all these awesome insights and intuitions on what the coming month holds for us, I was shut down. Not that I don't have the intuition or insights anymore. I still do. But it's a constant question within me of "so what?" So what if I know what I know. So what if I know what the cosmic energies will do to us next week. So what if I know the sun fired off solar flares and it's going to give our psyche a run for it's money. So what if our lives may be turned upside down the very next moment because the universe decides to dump us upside down. So what.
Because the one thing about life that is that change is constant. Simply pointing out what that change is or what that change may feel like, doesn't change the fact that change is upon us every single day. Just ask the oak tree outside what it feels about change. It's going to smile at you and tell you "Change is change hone, ain't gonna change a thing."
What matters is how we flow with change. How we change gracefully. And somehow in this modern day and age we forgot that. We like things to be finite. We want definition (Just look at our TV's theres higher and higher definition by the day). But we are losing sight of our human-ness. We are losing sight of everything that revolves around that in the name of definition. We only want the "I know exactly"'s and we desperately try to eradicate the "I don't know"'s.
And so yeah. Maybe the eclipse changed me. Maybe the cosmic energies changed me. Maybe I changed me. Maybe it's a bit of everything.
But I've realized I need to recreate my process. Recenter myself into the work that I do. Ground more into the foundations that I come from. Provide more concrete information that helps the community around me to empower themselves with the tools and knowledge to comfortably work with both the known and the unknown.
There are so many ideas and inspirations running through my head in the recent weeks. There have also been a ridiculous amounts of days and times when I've had to sit and stare blankly at nothingness, simply crushed in my own exhaustion. But that's life.
We're going to make something of this. We are going to learn to be human again. We are going to learn to work with our bodies, not against it. We are going to learn to be present. To go with the flow. Together and individually. We focus on ourselves. We go inward. And in doing so we change the world. One heart at a time.
Once again The Roaming Healer is moving towards a new phase.
Join me on the adventure. Let's learn and grow together. As humans. And as catalyst of positive change and agents of love.