Day three of my blog a day for 30 days and I've already missed a day. The ambitious side of me says two blogs today. The spiritual side that supposedly knows better says go with the flow. Of course, I woke up at 4AM this morning panicked that I had fallen asleep last night without writing something.
So what happened yesterday? The plane ride here to Kauai was the bumpiest ride of my life on. I travel quite a bit, so turbulence is an accepted fact of life. But gosh the insane downpour in San Jose yesterday morning made the ascent feel like a ride on Drop Zone. (Is it just me or is San Jose become the Pacific Northwest with all this rain?).
The little one did not like it at all - not a bit! For an almost two year old, she's a pretty seasoned traveller. But even for her, it was a bit difficult to handle. She clung on to me for dear life and the fear her eyes made me feel so bad that I was putting her through this craziness. For the rest of the flight she didn't let me put her down much. Add to that the strong headwinds that pushed back on our poor plane, the usual 5 hour flight got more than an hour tacked onto it. Yeah - it was a long day. No wonder I ended up with gnarly headache I couldn't shake off for the rest of the day.
Seriously that plane ride must of been an initiation of sorts. Lately I've been doing a lot of work on surrendering and letting go. When you're 10,000 feet up in the air and the floor beneath you seems to give out for a free fall, even for a brief instant, you really have nothing to do but to surrender. In some ways I felt like some invisible hand was shaking the plane and asking me if I've let go of enough yet. Apparently not - I still had quite the baggage. Literally and not so literally. Good question universe. Time to get working on it!
In retrospect I'm glad the plane shook things up. After all I am in Kauai in to think things over. To find something I don't know I'm looking for yet. Somewhere in the mystical clouds and the hills there's much to be learned and discovered.
So glad we made it!! To beautiful Kauai!! There were so many moments of doubt before getting here of whether or not we'd make it. And the plane ride didn't help.
Recently I've been plagued by doubt all over the place. Maybe it's because I've been pushing for a lot of changes in my life. Maybe it's because a lot of goals seems so close, yet so far. Maybe because the universal energies have been absolutely intense. Whatever it may be I've been super hard on myself and questioning and doubting every single decision I make.
After a spontaneous trip to the beach this morning while battling the guilt of not following my own ambition of writing two blogs today to make up for yesterday, I realized that I need to surrender more. Give in to the present moment more. Take in the gifts that the present offers, right here, right now. I've just been giving myself a hard time over nothing for too long now. There's not need to perfect anything. No need to worry about the next moment. No need to dwell on the past moment. Just be here. Now.